A Very Punny Christmas

It’s Funny because it’s punny!


The other night I shared a pun with my neighbor.

              How do church choirs keep everyone happy at Christmas?

              By singing Christmas hymns AND hers.


“But that doesn’t make sense,” she said. There’s no such thing as singing “hers.”

“That’s the point. It’s a play on words,” I said. “That’s what makes them funny.”

That made her laugh.

So, in the spirit of nonsense, here are some groan-evoking Christmas puns from me and a fellow punny guy, Steve. I hope you enjoy them more than my neighbor did.


What did the wise men sing after leaving King Herod?

“Oh, come let us ignore him.”


What is Frosty the Snowman’s answer to everything?

It’s “no, man.”


If you only believe in Heaven, then there is Noel.


What do Santa’s workers do to take pictures of themselves?

Take an elfie!


There’s a Russian communist weatherman named Rudy.

They say that Rudolph, the Red, knows rain, dear.


How does King Wenceslas like his pizza?

Deep and crisp and even.


What’s the best way to keep your weight down at Christmas?

Eat by candle lite.


What’s a dog’s favorite Christmas carol?

Bark, the Herald Angels Sing.

Really? I thought it was O Howly Night!


How do we know the shepherds believed that cleanliness is next to Godliness?

From the song “While Shepherds Washed Their Socks by Night”’


What did they call King Herod’s mute guard?

The Silent Knight.


What do you get when you cross an English setter with a German shorthair pointer?

A poinsetter.


What would you get if you dropped a bomb on your foot?

Missile toe.


What do you call a styrofoam snowman?

A snow-fake.


Okay, one last pun.


What did the cobbler say to his customers?

Merry Christmas from Soul (sole) Care!

Mary Morton holds a BS degree in English and a minor in Journalism, studying at both Utah State University and the University of Kentucky. She is a graduate of the Author Academy, Carnegie Center for Writing and Literacy in Lexington, Kentucky and has been published in Baby Bug magazine and various adult periodicals. She is a member of Soul Care Community's Steering Committee, and her hope is that, through her writing, someone, even one person, will be led to seek a closer relationship with the Lord. When she is not writing, she is out being walked by her three rescued greyhounds, making costumes for her grandkids' school plays, or volunteering wherever she is needed.


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